>The party’s over


The pity party that is. As always you, my faithful commenters cuddled me, cajoled me, and some of you gave me a kick up the *ss and okay okay – I get the message. I’ve put away the black streamers, dried my tears and I’m back again.

That’s not to say the running has been great these past 2 weeks. I think I definitely suffered from something related to what my kids had last week – they’ve had (swine?) flu and tonsilitis but have now recovered – and even by the middle of this week my 8 miler was compiled of grit, determination, clif-shots and slow miles. None of it is a pretty picture to be sure but I’ve just read Meg Runs’ blog and I have cut and pasted the following:

No matter what your goal is…weight loss, a 5k, a 3 day walk, a hike, an ultra, a marathon…you need to look at the plan. What ever your pace; to finish, to go fast, to go slow, to walk. Don’t let it own you, own the plan. Talk to it, “Bring it on!”

Do it with confidence. age doesn’t matter
Do it with concentration. single out that one specific moment in time and focus on it
Do it with control. but don’t force it
Do it with commitment. bring it on

And she’s right. Completely right. The other mantra that has embedded itself into my mind is the AA mantra of “fake it till you make it”. I am faking it and slowly beginning to make it. I struggled through 7 awful miles in wind and rain last Sunday (failed to run the 12 I had told myself to run, but ran 7 when 0 was by far the more attractive option), I ran 5 on Tuesday that were neither here nor there but on the books all the same, and today I decided to kick myself a bit harder and make myself run 5M out of a 10 miler at a faster pace. (Chicken and egg you see – my lack of mojo has had me slugging out the miles at 10 / 11 min/mile pace – great recovery pace if that’s what you’re going for but for me, at this point, just a sign of how deeply I had sunk into sluggishness. ) And reader, I did it. I warmed up for 2 miles at 8:17 min/mile (good to find that pace again), then ran 5 miles at an 8:01 min/mile, before slowing down for the last 3 at a 9:03 min/mile pace. Much better – and I’m much happier.

I’m in the doldrums for a number of reasons, really – I’m worrying about my kids, worrying about the lack of direction in my life, worrying about when I’ll ever get settled into my new house, worrying about all sorts of relationships in my life that aren’t working terribly well at the moment – but what I’m hanging onto here is that running is good for me when all this stuff is going on. It may not be fast, and it may not be quality, but getting out there is always better than not getting out there. And before you worry about me – none of the things I am worrying about above are as troublesome, or difficult, as I sometimes think they are or as I might be making them appear. The problem, really, at the moment is my attitude and my worrying, not the people or situations I am worrying about. And as I’m unable to think these worries away, I might as well go out for a run. After which things never seem quite as difficult anymore. So Meg, you’re right. Bring it on!


16 thoughts on “>The party’s over

  1. >Petra, so many things are going on in your life and often, a pity party is okay! I have them just like you, then move on! I was refreshed and inspired by your interpretations and reflections of the comments in my blog, I really appreciated "FAKE IT TILL YOU MAKE IT." I have been doing that and guess what? It really, really WORKS! Every day, somehow, I get a tiny bit closer…Thanks for the encouragement and motivation and I hope things continue to go well and I hope your little ones stay healthy!meg

  2. >Glad to hear you're back on the wagon. When things get tough and there's lots in my head, I find my running quickens and the endorphin release is really helpful to help me think straight. Nice job on the runs. They don't all have to be Olympic-level runs, you know.

  3. >Welcome back!!! You are such an inspiration to us all! You will make it because you have so many times before :-)Relax, run just to get out there and enjoy – a Zen run perhaps! We are all running with you!

  4. >It's always nice to know that even though running may seem like the last thing you want to do..it's there for you 🙂 I'm a worry wart, but sometimes the best thing you can do is forget about things and everything seems to fall into place.

  5. >OK, I like it… fake it till you make it! My mom used to tell me to pretend to be asleep when I couldn't sleep, I guess that's the same thing? I've got a big project coming up at work and I think the FITYMI might just get me through. THANKS!!!

  6. >Dear Petra, I hope you are able to find a way to work through the issues that are on our mind. I know I've used running many times in the past to find stress relief and solace in uncertain, difficult times, most notably when my father was dying of cancer. Hang in there!

  7. >the time diff makes it hard… now is a good time to call, but I am heading out w/hubby for a Sunday adventure: Costco!!!… One of these days I'll find the perfect spot so you are not in the middle of your sleep when I call!!!!

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